Tag Archives: unpleasant personalities

Bad Behaviours of Online Pagans

I’ve already written here about the positives and negatives of the online world for pagans in general. If you read that article, you will see that I am actually all for pagans jumping online, if that’s what they want to do.

But I tend to grow less supportive when folk begin to act like dicks.

Below is a field guide to the most dickish of behaviours for observers, though I’m sure most of you will be familiar with a few of these. These behaviours are those that seem to be cropping up more and more in online groups, forums and on social media in recent years. Please don’t do these things:

Showing off
This is probably the most common. No, we really don’t care that you are a ninth degree, seventeenth generation order of the unicorn druidic high priest/ess. Decent pagans will be more interested in what you do, rather than your “title” or how many Ronald Hutton books you own. Discussing initiation, priesthood, etc somewhere like Facebook is akin to flopping your genitals out in a busy restaurant: it’s unnecessary, very rude, and will embarrass yourself and everyone around you.

The same goes for folk who use their “title”, experience or (so help me) their age as an excuse to lord it over others. Unless you are someone’s parent, you have no legitimate reason to be calling them “child” or “my son” or any of that nonsense. It’s very insulting, and you just end up sounding like an idiot/Mufasa from The Lion King.

Demanding things
Less common, still annoying. Here’s the thing: if you want access to certain information, groups, people, etc, the absolute worst thing you can do is to behave like a spoilt child, especially if your request is denied. You wouldn’t (I hope) burst in to the house of someone you hardly know and say things like “You WILL let me read your Book of Shadows!” What makes you think that sort of thing is going to fly in the online world?

Be polite if you must ask for things, and be respectful if they are denied to you. The internet means just about anything can be shared, but that doesn’t mean it will be.

Pushing irrelevant agendas
Before you post anything that is spruiking an agenda of any sort, think. Make sure it is relevant to where you are posting it. People in witchcraft groups get very annoyed when they see a post prefaced by “I know this isn’t always related to witchcraft, but I thought I would share it here anyway…”.

Posting about something like crochet or polyamory or bananas in a group that caters only for enthusiasts of crochet, polyamory or bananas is perfectly fine. Posting about it in a witchcraft group is not. Stay on topic, or go elsewhere.

Taboo for the sake of taboo
It has been a recent favourite for some people to start “discussions” about paganism, magic and witchcraft in relation to justifying things like murder, incest, etc… All for the sake of making waves. Just… don’t.

Seeking/offering “traditional online” training
How many times have you seen a post along the lines of “BB, my name’s Lady RavenChild SnowLeopard, I’m just looking for someone who can give me training in traditional white wicca…”? I mean, usually the punctuation isn’t as good, but you get the idea.

The only thing worse than that is the people who respond with things like “BB RavenChild, I am a fifty-first degree eclectic witch and can offer you Gardnerian and Druidic training and initiation online, for around $58 a lesson…”

Ugh.

So.

First, if it’s “traditional” witchcraft you’re after, you aren’t going to find all your answers online. Second, no self-respecting witch offers training over Facebook! Third, beware of the old adage of “craft for sale” – if someone is looking to make pots and pots of money from your spiritual “journey”, you might want to look elsewhere.

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Are you ready for ritual? The effects of mental illness, trauma and anger within the Craft

By Daracha and more from Galloway

*TRIGGER WARNING* This post discusses mental illness, sexual abuse, miscarriage and other related topics.

A note from the authors:

In the initial publication of this post, it was brought to our attention that there was a very broad tone to this article. This post discusses the appropriateness of participation in rituals and magical workings by those who are not only mentally ill, but who use witchcraft as their sole means of healing. We recognise that very few people will go through their lives without experiencing some form of mental illness, and know that many of our brothers and sisters within the craft suffer from some form of mental illness, which they manage and experience on a daily basis. This article is not directed at them, more at those who use witchcraft (and paganism in general) as a replacement for professional help.

Not much in the Craft is easy. You can’t just claim to be a witch overnight: it will take some time to really understand what witchcraft is. How witchcraft is perceived today in society is a large factor in your understanding, too. In fact, most religion is difficult to involve yourself in professionally, especially when you enter into the study of it. I met someone last year who is training to be a priest – Catholic I think – and he had many, many years of training to commit to.  Even then, may never get a parish of his own. It will depend how hard he works, and even how enthusiastic he is.

It is here we can actually draw parallels to studying the Craft, or indeed most other religions. If you lose interest or enthusiasm, it becomes apparent (hopefully by yourself, firstly) that this may not be for you. There are other factors that come into play, too. As much as some would disagree, the way you live your life outside of circle should be regarded as just as important as how you conduct yourself in ritual or around perceived “elders”.

This also applies to people suffering from mental health issues.

Many covens all over the world have had people with mental illnesses within their groups, and sometimes that illness has caused anger, arguments, and suffering within the group. Some may have been the victim of some kind of heart break, abuse, rape, murder, or untimely death of a loved one.

Without first seeking professional help, bringing that kind of baggage into your coven or working circle is not wise – it can affect the ritual you do, it might affect the dynamic of the group… most of all, it can harm you. We are not saying that if you have a mental illness you should stay away from the Craft altogether, but think about how you feel, and how those feelings can affect others around you.

If you are sad, angry, hurt, or confused, maybe you should stay away from rituals for a while. I have done this once before. I spent the better part of a year away from rituals while I sorted out my head when I was younger – it was the best thing I could have done, not just for the coven, but for myself. I’d do it again if I had to.

Some people seem to have permanent illnesses that affect their position in the group. Some illnesses come and go, while others are ongoing and require constant management. Without this management, these illnesses can result in arguments, selfishness, backstabbing, and the breaking of oaths. When that happens, often there is no going back. We’ve heard of this in covens over the years – a person who suffers from unmanaged, out of control bipolar disorder starting arguments when things are not going their way. Eventually it can erupt into banishment from the coven if they’re not careful –  the mentally unstable person demanding respect and notoriety yet refusing professional help ends up being ignored, left alone and not given a chance to redeem themselves within their magical group.

When illnesses come and go, people like this often they regret what happened. They then need to swallow their pride and apologise if they want to re-enter into the group. But in some cases people who have left groups have broken oaths and spoken of coven secrets. Often, there is no return from this, no matter how much you say sorry. You had a choice, and you chose wrong by outing that group.

I have met people who used to be members of a coven who have been asked to leave due to their troubled state. Not only that, but they also appear to dislike the opposite gender. Most of them had been with so many partners in their lives, that they had a love/hate relationship with them, or seemed to be constantly single but had issues with that. This attitude is not acceptable in the Craft either; you need to accept that all genders are equal and stop spouting vicious, unnecessarily over the top  feminist/misogynistic views. But when such extreme views are coupled with an unmanaged mental illness or trauma, it can spell extra trouble.

Here’s a hard but common issue: some victims, when they haven’t had the appropriate time to heal/medical attention, can sometimes bring their experience of trauma into a coven. One example that crosses my mind is a rape victim.

A rape is an unfathomably terrible, disgusting and often soul-destroying experience. We are not here to argue this point.

It’s a difficult discussion, as this person is a victim of an attack that has changed their lives, and yes, it was nowhere near fair. But witchcraft should not be pivotal in their healing process. Your high priest and priestess are not trained mental health professionals and should not be treated as such. It is absolutely fine to seek fellowship, love and company from your coven, but ritual and magick should never take the place of professional help and genuine healing.

Sometimes rituals can help you heal, but in many cases the healing process should really have started BEFORE you return to rituals. There is always a way out of the feeling of disempowerment, to make steps towards healing  – often with the maturity, ability and expertise to help others with the same issue.

Sometimes people refuse help, but will dwell on the negativity in their lives and the unfairness of it all.  This, in turn, can draw to attention seeking behaviours in a few circumstances. If it is your choice not to receive help and not to take steps towards healing, this is ok in some settings. Your choice is always your own.

But in the world of the Craft,  if you continually bring that to a coven or group, you may begin to cause trouble for the other members – especially if you are supported by them, but DON’T change your attitude, and never appear to heal from it.

People are only too happy to help people suffering from trauma, but ultimately it’s you doing the healing, not them. It can be hard, but very possible to heal. Your working group there to support YOUR work, but again: they are not trained professionals. If you seek out the help you need, yet your experiences or mental health issues are affecting your ritual work, they may ask you to leave until you are ready to go into ritual or continue on with your spiritual path. Unless a coven can work out some sort of empowering ceremony delicate enough for that hurt individual, serious and intense rituals should be avoided.

No sensible High Priest or Priestess would initiate an adult with unaddressed mental health issues. If they did knowingly, it would be irresponsible, to their own folly, and they will have to suffer the consequences themselves. It may be that they don’t have any respect or trust from any other coven, Elders or Traditions.

It is also extremely unwise to blame the gods for your misfortune and pain. Miscarriages, for example, are absolutely horrible things for people to go through, but one issue that has been noticed by many is the appearance of blaming the Gods for the loss of said child. The Gods had no hands in it, you need to stop wondering why the Gods have seen you in an unfavourable light and caused the death of your unborn child – it’s more likely a medical reason. Someone we met a few years ago blamed the Gods for all their miscarriages. In the end, it had something to do with their blood type. They still managed to have lots of children anyway.

This practise of scapegoating isn’t limited to we pagans, either: it’s common knowledge that a lot of Christians blame their God for the death of a loved one, and I never understood why that was. I’ve never blamed any Gods for anything, I don’t believe in using any kind of scapegoat. My level of worship does not go so far as to believe that the Gods will be on my side if I got pregnant, or I went for a great career job. That’s not what I expect from them. To me, it’s about guidance, advice, snippets of information, and knowing if you are on the right path.

Anger within ritual is not good. If you are angry about something, it’s hard to do anything, even meditate. So why would you go into ritual while angry? Alex Sanders even spoke about this in Stewart Farrar’s book What Witches Do. After spending a day out doing an interview with rather ignorant people of the media, Alex came home angry and tired, and in no way ready to do an initiation that night.

I’d be a hypocrite to try it,’ he apologised. ‘I could sail through it, or course, but it wouldn’t mean anything.’ Then he laughed and added, ‘In my present state, you’d do better to form a circle and protect yourselves against me.’ Even high grade witches are human, but if they are as they should be, they have the self-knowledge and sense of responsibility to act (or refrain from acting) accordingly.

Every human knows that when you are angry, you cannot concentrate, and end up doing something you regret – how many people have reacted physically while angry (like smashing up a ex’s car with a baseball bat) and regretted it when the consequences catch up with you – the same goes for ritual – anger can throw so many energies into a rite that may not be good for it. Remember, it’s all about intent, and if you forget your intent due to anger then it may change the initial aim of the ritual. You need to step back and relax, give your role to someone else if possible, or just sit out of the ritual completely.

The same often goes for people who are upset before a ritual – especially if it is in regards to the ritual. This has never happened to me, but someone I spoke to once was upset and tired before a ritual. In the end, the ritual did not go to plan, the upset person got even more upset and had many regrets after it, as did the other ritualists. They promised themselves that if they ever felt that way again, not to do the ritual, and that is very wise. The High Priest and Priestess that evening did not double check with the ritualists to see if they felt alright. As a HP and HPS, it cannot hurt to check. Of course, it’s also best the ritualists speak up in future if they have an issue. Luckily it was only a smallish private ritual.

If you feel very drawn to the Craft or Paganism, and intend to attend public gatherings and work with like-minded folk, please make sure you are well enough with a positive attitude to do this. Do not enter into the Craft with hatred of any race, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, religion, attitudes or abilities. If you have issues with something in the Craft, don’t go near it. Stay away, nobody in the Craft will understand why you are there; they will encourage you to leave. It is your responsibility to stay away from something if you are not capable of working safely, especially when it involves others.

It is also important that you are trusted in the Craft – if you are a High Priest or Priestess and have mental issues or trauma surfacing, it is best you don’t take others under your wing and train them, let alone be treated as an authority. You should step back from the Craft scene and not let anyone pressure you into any leadership roles. You may only make bad judgements, maybe even train and initiate people who are just as ill as you, and thus cause a rupture within the Craft scene… especially with any people that ‘pamper’ your own issues. You have to be careful how you feel, let alone trust those beneath you with the Craft.

As there is no proper ‘school’ of witchcraft and priestess training in the world, people need to be careful who they train. That’s why training takes years – like the Catholic priest in his school. You need proof that that person is stable, and consistent in that stablity. They have to have a general interest in the happiness of mankind to be capable of being trained. People come to Catholic Priests with trust for advice and confessions; you would need to prove your ability to be able to be that kind of authority. If you had an untreated mental illness and a bad attitude, you may advise the person to do the wrong thing, and you are not really in the position to dole out advice.

Time can prove someone’s worth. As I said above, sanity must be consistent in a seeker of the Craft for the safety of all.

We are not demanding all mentally ill folk leave the scene altogether. But we cannot stress enough to you – if you have issues, by all means seek help from medical practitioners, and helplines before you throw yourself, or demand to be involved in a working group. Seek help, and stick to it. If you’re too arrogant to listen to this advice, then it will go badly for you – I promise. Witches are healers for the most part, and if you need healing, then take time out for that before you become a healer yourself, and enter into Witchcraft, or any kind of Pagan traditions and its rituals. Damaged people cannot be healers, unless they have overcome that damage.

Think about it. You’re working with magick, for Odin’s sake. Make sure you’re rational enough for that.

The Craft will test you. The Gods will test you. Magick will test you. You need to be very ready….

Remember:

–          There is a lot of responsibility you must consider when becoming a Priest or Priestess in the Craft.

–          If you have been raped, abused, or traumatised in your life, make sure you have gotten the professional help you need and are ready to take on a spiritual path that involves rituals, magick and other people, also the training and the giving of advice of others.

–          If you have any hatred toward ethnic groups, religions, sexualities, or genders, consider what you are doing and thinking – these are not accepted in the Craft, do not bring your grievances in, no one will appreciate it or put up with it.

–          If you are bipolar, or have any other mental illnesses, be especially sure that you have had adequate professional help to manage your condition, and be mindful what you do in the Craft. Think about your actions, what magick you do, who it will affect, and how ready you are to work as a Witch, HP or HPS.

–          An initiation, whether self or otherwise, is opening yourself up to the gods and the universe. If you are self initiating, please ensure you are mentally ready. Generally, decent HP and HPS will keep you around for a long time before they initiate you, so that all parties are satisfied you are ready for what’s to come. Patience, patience.

If you like, test yourself to see how you fare with this exam . Most of the time when you Google ‘mental illness’ with the word ‘witchcraft,’ you get sites that talk about the witch craze of Salem, Massachusetts. Today, with Witchcraft and Paganism becoming a religious belief of a different sort to Salem, it’s a completely different thing.

Back then, if you were crazy you must have been a witch, today if you’re crazy, it’s best you DON’T become a witch…

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The Super Scholar – Common Personalities in Modern Paganism (and how to deal with them)

This second article on personality archetypes within the pagan “scene” will focus on the Super Scholars: Pagan Ultra-Academics.

Often the complete opposite of the Pogan, the Super Scholar can usually be found around the fire late at night at gatherings, where they will debate and discuss every possible facet of their current area of study, while at the same time arguing about every tiny point of Pagan history – both ancient and modern. These are the people who make a beeline for Elders (actual or perceived) at gatherings, anxious to glean any information that they can, and will interject with “actually, I think you’ll find…” at least four or five times during conversations on anything remotely related to Paganism.

But how do you pick a Super-Scholar from a run-of-the-mill academic?

  • Similar to the Craft Whore, the Super Scholar hoards books, artefacts and knowledge, and will happily trot out information and “facts” at the drop of a hat. The Super Scholar is less concerned with creating meaningful worship experiences, and more concerned by what Gerald Gardner said to his milkman in the summer of 1944.
  • Some Super Scholars raise themselves up to the same level as Pagan “Celebrities”, chasing and collecting initiations, titles and degrees by any means necessary – including phoney-baloney internet PhDs!
  • Often, these people will be the proverbial “dog with a bone” if they think you have information they can use.

While for these reasons and more Super Scholars should be kept at a safe distance if you come across them, it is important to think of this: in some ways, we should feel sorry for them. These mega-academics of paganism have not actually done themselves any favours, when it comes to worship and community.

The curse of the Super Scholar is threefold:

  1. Usually, they will have spent so much time studying Paganism and Pagans that they are in some ways unable to “switch off” – Every pagan event, ritual and social gathering becomes an anthropological study for them. In turn, this means that they can never truly relax and fully invest themselves in what is going on. There is always a need to analyse every tiny going-on, and then compare it to the huge swathes of information they have collected over the years.
  2. In the research phase, certain Super Scholars are so hungry for craft “wisdom” and “history” that they will lend an ear to almost anyone: bonafide “witches proper”, the fluffiest of bunnies and every squeaky wheel in between. Without proper discernment and fact-checking, this can lead to some fairly worrying or one-sided things being published. As a result, well-known Super Scholars are often mistrusted by understandably cautious pagans, and are kept at arms’ length in many instances.
  3. Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, the Super Scholar is his or her own worst enemy as far as ritual experience goes. Because when one studies (and studies, and studies) the rational explanations and unpackings of things like magical/ritual experience, shared experience, trance, energy raising, etc, it can lose a lot of its meaning at a divine level, and leave the poor old SS feeling more conflict and ennui than originally intended.

Generally, I prefer pagans who not only know their stuff to some extent, but are able to discern between the diamonds and the bollocks. But in some cases, folks overdo it. Sometimes it really is a case of knowing too much. I cannot speak for others, but I resent having my spiritual practice reduced to some sort of anthropological oddity. When all your tomes, recounts, artefacts and hearsay start affecting your ability to experience ritual and your relationship with most other pagans, it might be time to stop for a while. Shouldn’t some Mysteries remain just that?

– Galloway.

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